Thursday, December 30, 2004

Good morning...

Not much going on today. Still feeling out of the loop. I made what may have been a poor career choice. I sent my boss and email about policy changes occuring while I was on vacation. The problem is that I think I'm more upset about the loss of control of the situation than the actual event.

As previously stated, being out of control sucks! at least for me it does.....

Now I'm starting to question my own abilities and skills, something I've always had confidence in.

Maybe I"m threatened by the new and energetic ideas of my 2nd in command? Maybe I'm burnt out and jaded by 10 years w/the same company....I have too many responsibilities to leave my job for a new one...I make decent money...have alot of vacation time (which stresses me out to use?)...and I pay the insurance for the whole family. Not to mention the 401k..

A. is a good kid...to me he looks 14 years old or less, and I would like to burp him sometimes...or maybe give him a "spit bath" to remove a smudge of dirt on his nose...I see him like one of my kids....that could be a problem as well...I often confuse parenting w/ management and vice versa. I helped chose him for this position. I mistake? I don't think so...but I'm not sure.

My mother always said "this too shall pass". Maybe this is a phase...a rut..who knows....but it is not what I wanted out of this week off with the family.

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