Tuesday, December 28, 2004

12 step program for control freaks?

My name is Laura C and I am a control freak.

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

I am a control freak...there...I said it...I freely admit it. Does anyone know the 2nd step?

I have a serious need to control my environment. My husband will also attest to this fact, as will my staff. Why am I a control freak? It probably relates back to my pitiful excuse for a first marriage...for months I had those awful dreams of falling...which is your subconscious's way of telling you that you are out of fucking control. Its been many years since I have been rudely awakened time and time again every night by one of these nocturnal eye openers.

I am working on "self-awareness". Why am I feeling out of control? Because someone at work made a decision that I oppose, in my absence. Is it a good decision? Possibly...or it may crash and burn. Deep inside I hope for option 2...the crash and burn..therefore proving my theory correct. ...Therefore making my control better, stronger, faster...in effect BIONIC...(I"m dating myself again). Am I a terrible person for secretly hoping this happens, or am I normal?


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